Forgive Me

Forgive me mother
But I wanted to learn
I didn’t know the ways
Of a ruthless world.

You wanted me to stay

To do the dishes today

I promised to be back soon

And that I wouldn't stray.

I kept after little baba

As we walked the muddy roads

He is a tad younger

But a man (we follow the codes).

The school was far off

But that didn’t keep me away

New year was approaching

I had to practice for a play.

The day started with history

My favorite of the lot

An era dead, bygone

Came alive in that slot.

Stories of mighty rulers

And benevolent kings

Transport me to a heaven

And suddenly the bell rings.

I promise, dear mother,

It was not my fault

Someone just barged in

Unaware we were caught.

No face to the intruder

No name I can recall

Not that identity matters

When on sinning you're sold.

A red splash of hot blood

Drenched my crisp uniform

Surprisingly it was not painful

Though my whole body was torn.

I promise mother, I didn’t cry

I kept thinking of your beautiful smile.

I fell face first on to the floor

The face-less was firing all this while.

Tabassum moaned.

Laila was dead.

Shazia's face was

a bleeding mess.

I lay as I fell,

Floating in and out of dreams

The kings have come,

to probably take me.

I'm sorry Mother,

For the undone dishes

For not staying back,

For the unfulfilled wishes.

I've lost my life

Fallen prey to the Taliban

Should I have stayed at home?

Subservient to a man?

Solitude

You are alone
The little voice echoes
I try to ignore
She continues, hoarse

You cannot break free
From burdens that bring you down
You may die trying 
With not a soul to mourn

I shrug off the voice 
She slowly dies away
But I'm lonely inside 
Have her words already slain?

Am I really alone? 
Thought many were here to stay? 
In this life and the ones to come by 
Won't they walk with me all the way?

I hear a bubble break
Castles pulled down far away
They are merciless, unkind 
Voices tell me to hide

I dint choose to be born
But I chose to be strong
Wish I'd chosen a life instead 
Where I dint lead, just bowed down.

Lifeless lights

It was the yearly festival of lights.
It was immensely bright. Even in the night.
I was the only one, thrown, out of sight
I remember - it was the night of the festival of lights.

I was broken, I was cold, yet I put up a fight
The crowd kept moving, laughing in delight
Only if someone, would take note of my plight!
I am lonely and dying, unable to fight.

I can see my children, out of hunger, turn white
If I had wings, I'd fly to them, with all might
But alas, I'm stuck here, with no hopes to reunite
with my children, who are hungry, and turning pale-white.

I was hit by a biker, speeding across a red light
I fell at a distance, thrown from a height
The motorist sped on, as if out of spite
I fell at a distance, thrown, out of sight.

I assure my blurry vision that I will be all-right

I howl to seek help from a crowd - moving in delight
It was the festival of sounds and brights
My howling gets lost, amongst the crowd's chaotic recites.

I've turned bright red, like this festive night.
A cracker bursts loud, it can no longer instill fright
I move on silently. For I have no right.
I'm a mongrel of a city - a city bustling with lifeless lights.

Dudu's Onam

So Dudu couldn't celebrate Onam this year because her dad's grand dad passed away a couple of days ago. My sister had a hard time explaining the concept of 'no celebrations for one year' to her. 

The only thing she had to say with a sigh was "I'll pray no one passes away next year cos I want to make Pookalams for sure".

Enriched

I helped a beggar!
I beamed with pride
"Money gone wasted",
came the remark in snide.

I fed a poor puppy
that had lost its way
"You should have saved that
for a rainy day"

I held up the traffic
to let a blind man cross
"That's ten precious minutes
of yours just lost!"

I aid my mother,
she's eighty, she's old -
"She must really be thankful,
for many parents are disowned"

As a nurse, I treat lepers
badly diseased
"No wonder you remain
in a house on lease"

I volunteer for charity work
whenever I'm free
"Why not a part time job
or another degree?"

I've got the job.
I'm so happy, daddy!
"Finally I get some money back.
Hope the take home is hefty?"

I said 'Thank you' to the cabbie.
Boy! he seemed pleased!
"But what can he do for you?
It's your boss you should appease!"

My heart thumped hard
as I raced into my winning lap
"Sad she's into a sport
that media never taps!"

I preach God's words,
would you like to learn?
"Oh spare me, wise man.
But can you teach me how to earn?"

The wealthy widower died,
leaving his children in despair
"Wonder who he's named
his legal heir!"

Motherhood

Motherhood is a blessing,
they all gush with pride!
But what if it bore
a thankless child?

A form that took form,
as you’d bleed
Is a grown-up who now sees you,
as a mouth to feed!

A hand that reached out,
all its growing years
Won’t offer a finger,
to wipe away a tear.

Feet that stepped on,
now step away
Eyes that looked on,
now see you as stray.

Is it upbringing at fault?

Or a young mind at flaw?

Is motherhood worth a risk?

Who gets to take a call?

Circles

Those who spat
Get spit on
Those who cursed
Walk into misery

Those who rose from grief
A happy life, they lead
It does come to full circles
Life! What mystery!

Home

The walk back home
Is both long and short
Long to the paining joints
Short to the craving mind.

Death

Sneaks in
Like a thief
And walks out
Inflicting grief

Death - an unwelcome guest
Puts one to rest
Leaves the rest, bereft.

Goodbye Ananthan uncle. You will be missed. 

Worth-the-while

Jostled, I rub 

My half-awoken eyes

My voice has failed me

Yet I let out a cry.

I halt. I listen. 

I squint. Then pry –

The day’s just begun – 

Lot’s to be done, when there’s light.

To many it’s another day, 

That’ll just pass by.

To me, it’s a lifetime – 

To be lived in black & white.

Like ship-men who've embarked

To rummage in the dark

I switch on his PC

And it slowly comes to life.

Its white screen blinks at me – 

Awake, and bright

Now, that voice too has left me

Let’s give words a try.

Search terms also fail me 

For a ‘search’ now dropped

Among this war & cry, 

My loved one, I've lost.

He smiles at me from a distance,

It’s a snap clicked some time back.

I notice, his smile is hazy

And a tear, those dark eyes wear.

When you stop looking,

There’s so much you’d see.

And when you stop seeing

There’s a lot left to perceive.

The TV screams out updates –

It’s absconding, broke, or found?

I see him smile at me, 

From deep underneath, 

His black eyes glistening

From the salty seas.

Maybe my long wait, 

Is not worth-the-while.

With him gone

I’ve been left to scrounge.

With all might I push 

My wheel-chair around

(Didn't I tell my limbs failed me

the day he was born?)

Stuck

Stuck in a time zone
That repeats.
Mourning Mondays to sudden Sundays.
They just repeat.
Yet we long...
To relive events and emotions...
From days bygone.
Mindless mortals, we are all.
Stuck in time zones, of our own.

Smile!

If you have a whole lot of love, a little more of sunshine
A book you can scribble on, a family you can call 'mine'
And a friend who'd come by to check if you are fine...
You'd have plenty of reasons to not whine,
A plenty of reasons to smile!

I'll get there

To be around, without being called for
To not hurt, despite being flawed
To love, listen and care
To amaze, not disgrace -

It's a long way to go, I know
But I'd get there soon...
Slowly, but soon
Just bear with me. Please.