Friday, October 21, 2016

My Life. My Choices.

Why do some impose their view that one needs another person - a bae, a spouse, a child to make one's life worthwhile? Agreed man is a social animal. But, if one is at peace with oneself, likes the pace at which one's life is advancing, does not want to disrupt one's way of life by making space for someone, one is not so sure of, then so be it.

My first relationship was very late by 'industry standards'. It was not that I did not have the 'urge' or 'fascination'. It was just that my priorities were different then. And when I did finally take the time for a relationship, it did not work out the way I'd wished it to. In fact it ended way quicker than it started. 

Broken relationships helped reinforce my view that you really can't expect someone to come and sweep you off your feet and drastically change your life. After all, we are all human. You fix your life. You take control. A partner is not a handy-man to do it for you. If that is your expectation of a spouse, then do not go for a relationship. Go for an AMC.

I married well past my 'marriageable' age. I had met men who were keen to get married to me. However, the compromises I had to make to see the relationship fructify, did not convince me enough to drop everything I had - earned or given, and move into 'his' world. So, I waited for someone to come by - who would not want me to alter my way of life, to make way for his.   

And someone did come by. We got married, probably because we thought alike. To us, marriage was an extension. Not a full-stop. And definitely not an excuse or reason to have children. We were happy with each other and did not feel the need to bring in a baby to 'complete the circle'.  

While in college, when some one got married and had a baby, I remember the girls' gang giggle all the way back from the hospital. They'd fantasize of the day, years later, when they'd be sleeping out of the unfathomable fatigue of popping a baby out, and their better-halves by their side beaming with pride. I, somehow, could never empathize. 

I won't 'breed' just so that I have someone who 'may or may not' choose to fend for me in my old age. In our culture, we 'exchange'. Parents pay. Children repay. Husband protects. Wife reproduces. One always provides. And the other is obliged to give back.

It is a give and take. Almost always. And if one chooses to deflect from this norm, chaos break loose. Not from within, but from outside. Society comes to help and put our 'imperfect' lives back to normal. Because, we apparently do not know what we are missing. 

I would like to have a child some day. However, I do not find the urge to birth a child from my womb. I would gladly do it from my heart. There are so many children out there who deserve a home. I strongly feel that it is a sin to be producing babies just to keep your bloodline from extinction. However, if one feels that one needs a child to complete one's life -  go ahead and have one. It's one's life, one's choice. 

Just don't try thrust those ideologies down my throat. It is irritating when someone tries to enforce one's views on to my life. My life is not a compromise. And certainly not one, for others to pass off unsolicited advice.

No comments:

Post a Comment