To the stars

What would the well staring at the sky, ask the stars? 


How does it feel to be set free?
To float amidst dark blue skies, heavenly?
To stare down from miles, into lives, lonely? 
To know every secret and yet let it be?

To fight to get closer to the moon, lovely! 
To disappear each morning to the sun, at hours, wee?
To brighten every night, by burning selflessly...
And end up being nothing - just forgotten debris?

Chasing Chaste

It's depressing how everything we quest
comes undone before ungodly lust
Some skin show, cleavage, some lips luscious - 
and we let go, and we forget the rest.

Promises over candle lights
Kisses under the starry nights
Debates on why one should choose
This love over other dreamy knights'.

A ravishing beauty, a scarlet blond
Sizzles in her ravishing form
The sight of a sculpted, heavenly Vernon
Ignites fantasies of never ending moans. 

Belittling though, that's all it takes - 
To disrupt, to displace, or to disengage 
Years of happiness, immeasurable faith
Turning heavenly bonds into bondage.

But why is it so volatile - 
this ever wavering human mind?
Which makes promises one cannot keep
To break and blame it, on ill times. 

Perhaps we, the treacherous mankind

Were always meant to stay unconfined.

Romance and love, otherwise dead -

Revives itself only on lying, raunchy beds. 

She

She dropped a tear
For all the fear
Garnered in herself
Over many, many years.

They soon dwindled
And came running down
Like displaced streams
From mighty rain clouds.

Each touched upon a phase
Some, she'd skipped in haste
A few, in disgrace
Some, not so much in distaste.

Like the ocean 

Gathering storms

She festered wounds

Within her, beautifully deformed.  

It hurt her deeper now, 

Herself - broken and torn

Yet not wanting to mourn
Over another heart, once more ~

She faked her smile 

And mastered pretense 

She was dying within

But had to live, and fend. 

A vicious cycle

Of peace and pains

Heal and hurts

Love and hate

Turned her into a being 

She could no longer be in -

Either a fairy in disguise?

Or plain evil, filled with vice?

Let Her Be

Leave that child
Let her be
Don't taint her mind
Don't take her side.

Let her explore
Don't slam her doors
Now that she's here
Let her not know fear.

Let her keep her head high
Let her also swallow her pride
Let her bawl all alone
And stay up whole nights.

Don't slap her cheeks
And don't stand beside
She might get knocked down
Let her sulk, let her try.

The world is cruel
People are unkind
Don't keep her warm
And do her more harm.

Let her walk away
Let her bloody stray
Let her body fall
To vultures, to prey.

Let her leave.
For now, bereave.
She will learn
And she will return.

Overnight she'll turn
From a girl, to a queen
Embrace her then
But until then, let her be.

Conversations

'You are beautiful',
she said
'To know what
beauty beholds,
look at yourself
through my eyes!',
nibbling her ears,
he sheepishly replied.

'I love you! Do you love me?'
She asked again,
He'd lost count of
how many times.
'More than you'd ever know'
But he stayed silent this time
And pulled her back instead,
into his warm embrace.

'I'm fatter than yesterday
My eyes are puffy
My clothes don't fit!'
Assuring no girl
was prettier than her -
he wiped away her tear.
And at the party she turned
Cinderella over night!

'But why is she pinging you?'
'She's again liked your pic!'
'Oh! She's on your last dialed?'
'I'm going to kill that bitch!'
He sat through her tantrums
Avoiding getting hit
He'd knew she'd come around
And apologise in a bit.

Choices

Where do I belong?
In the castle, or the sea?
The large fort keeps me safe
But in the salty waters, I'm at peace.

I wade through waters, deep
On my face, the cold breeze
And then, I miss the dry indoors
Its warmth which puts me, at ease.

At times, I fervently wish
I could choose neither of these
Disappear into the blue horizon
And simply cease to be.

Live

Listen. Embrace. Emote. Empathize. Trust. Care. Share. Speak up. Argue. Be truthful. Love. Hate. Hurt. Don't hurt. Kiss. Fight. Bite. Make up. Make love. Make friends. Be passionate. Sing. Open windows. Play. Enjoy the rains. Dance. Break a bone. Make coffee. Make someone's bed. Cry. Get your heart broken. Wait. Yearn. Earn it. Work hard. Be lazy. Laugh till you tear up. Be foolish. Be faithful. Make mistakes. Learn. Make new mistakes. Repeat. Repent your sins. Smile. Wake up happy, everyday. Stay positive. Be sad. Sleep. Make long phone calls. Watch that movie. Miss a few classes. A few meetings too. Dress up. Adore yourself. Suit up! Buy that shirt. That dress too! Wear those stilettos. More lipstick please! Eat more. Stress less. Pray! Meet a shrink. Write a poem. Some stories too. Cut a few ties. Make new bonds. Pet a dog. Heck, a cat too! Stand up. React. Support. Help someone fly. Pose for pictures. Take those selfies. Offer handshakes. Offer a seat. Some pizza too. Live life to the fullest! ♥

Move on

When do you move -

When your self worth is hit ~
Or when you no longer fit?

When the trust is lost ~
Or when you miss yourself the most?

When your tear glands have dried
Or when compassion has died?

When you feel nothing
Or when you question everything?

When you've said every word
Or when conversations stay unheard?

When silence creeps in
Or when noises never recede?

When you've lost more than you've gained
Or when you see no end to this game?

When you try reclaim your soul
But find only broken, hollow bones?

Nothing

I have nothing to offer
My nest is empty
My heart is too.

I have nothing to let go
No tears to drop
They've left me too.

I've nothing to share
My body is maimed
My mind is too.

I've nothing to be proud of
My youth is freckled
My conscience is too.

I've nothing to claim mine
My palms are barren
My dreams are too.

I've nothing to fall back on
With you gone,
My future has too.

MeToo

When we as young 25 year olds were summoned into a prominent ad agency head's cubicle and asked to line up for him to review. He wanted girls to be decked up in saree for the launch of the book on how his father build a prominent ad agency. I, along with a few others were asked to step aside because we were 'flat chests'.

When at an interview for a Client servicing role at another leading agency in Chennai the only questions I was asked were "Do you have a boy friend, do you drink, do you go pubbing?"

When working on Lotte Choco Pie pitch, the agency head kept joking to women in particular, that the 2 layers of biscuit and cream in between reminded him of 'something else'.

When I was told I was thin and my lack of a 'rounded full butt' made my trousers look pretty loose.

When working on a pitch for Mood condoms, the otherwise lazy agency head showed exceptional interest in personally conducting the survey with 'women' employees to understand more about their intimate experiences with the product.

When I was told I cannot handle a particular salon brand account because I lacked the beauty or personality for it (my way of revenge was to later get on board as the Pan India Marketing Head for the same salon brand).

When the client at a leading stationery brand, would refuse to acknowledge my face, and only talk to my chest.

So many stories. How many do we tell?

Why didn't we shame them, then and there? Because we were scared. Scarred. Shocked. Wanted the job. Wanted to retain the client. Were not sure of support. Were not sure if we were in this alone or others suffered it too.

And most of all, we were pretty sure that the first response would be, why bring it up? Konjam adjust pannikonga.

#MeToo

Whisper

The tree asked the breeze
Do you ever miss me -
Leaving a million sights aside
Why caress my leaves?

I wait for you
through broad daylight
And through countless moments
of sleepless nights.

But you never come
Never tell me why
Never wipe my tears
Never sit by my side.

The breeze heavily heaved,
A sigh of relief.
Many come to you for respite -
From their overwhelming grief.

Under your shelter
They rest lazily.
And in your shadow, go
Into slumbers deep.

I look upon you
from faraway skies
Hoping against hope
You'd call for me!

That you'd look my way
That you'd see my longing.
But I see you happy
Amidst your circle of being.

So, I seldom come.
When I do, I tread softly.
For I know if I wake you -
I won't be able to leave!

Anchor

I wept myself 

to sleep tonight.

I have the whole world,

By my side

But no one to talk to - 

I'm so broken inside. 

I wept myself 

to sleep tonight. 

Nights pass on 

and days just fly. 

Faces tell me

I'm their sunshine.

Their names I seldom recall

The bonds much less

I lose myself more, 

as nights keep passing on. 

It's an unforgiving world. 

It's the wrong time. 

This will all change. 

Be patient for a while.

It'll break their hearts 

and bring my world apart. 

Forgive me, for now
Let's blame it on wrong times.

I remember

I remain 

Spectators frown 

in sheer disdain. 

I hope I'd make it 

To the end of this trip 

To see, to believe 

It was worth the applause, indeed! 

Hope

Into my empty harbor

A lonely ship drifts in

It anchors, testing waters

For in the storms, it has been. 

Into unknown corners

It lingers and loiters 

But when the rains subside

Into the horizon, it disappears.

Transience

The sands asked the sea
Do you ever miss me?
The sea smiled and sighed,
I come by every night -

Swallowing my pride
Promising it would be the last time
I'd stealthily watch you sleep
Under the warm twilight.

I try to confess
I long to be by your side.
Yet cautiously touch your feet
Only to slowly retreat.

I know I'll be back again
Another moonlit night
Until then let me bid goodbye
And try live, without you, for a while.

Swami Saranam

I wish I could be as excited as my 72 year old mother about the #Sabarimala verdict. She's been going to the temple for few years now. She is so happy that she can go with me now. 

I have been there when I was a child. I still remember the energy from the Sanctum Sanctorum and the possibility to see beautiful Lord Ayappa again, is like a long time dream come true.

I'd been vehemently opposing the entry of women into the temple stating there is a reason why we have certain traditions and rituals and should abide by them. And have also proudly stated that I'll wait across multiple arguments, both online and offline. 

My timeline currently is filled with my relatives' rants on how they will die to withhold the sanctity and purity of the temple.

Now, I feel I was wrong. How can a woman's entry into any place make it impure? As an educated, unbiased human, isn't this the right thing? Leave aside what Islam allows or Christianity allows. This is not a matter of faith. This is a matter of bias. Chauvinism. Sexism. 

Women were not allowed to cover their breasts, are still not allowed to lit the funeral pyre, talk about sexual assault - where does this end?

I believe most rituals in Hinduism had some scientific base to it. 

Centuries ago, when the travel to the temple was through forests filled with wild animals, a menstruating woman only meant trouble. The smell of blood would naturally attract the beasts. Also the journey to the temple was both tedious and took days to complete. This is amongst the most sane reasons I've come across so far, for keeping women away.

As a woman of faith, even now, I stay away from temples for those '7 days'. I don't know why I still follow it. I simply do.

I wish I had guts, like my mother. Who says it's high time we relook at all rituals and malpractices from an unbiased, empathetic, humane, lawful and intelligent manner. I wish I could have the courage to sit with her happily and without fear, when she's squinting at the planner to book our tickets to visit Lord Ayappa.

497

He promised he'd leave the world behind -
But said don't come in, when she knocked his door that night.

She said he was her destination.
But made time for many short vacations.

He whispered he loved her.
While hugging her, with no one in sight.

She cried, if he'd leave her, she'd die
As he left, she turned to his friend, 'be mine!'

Lust, he said. She said, it's love divine.
Now with her gone, to get her out of his mind, he strived.

He claimed her as his -
But gave all her calls to meet, a miss.

She tucked him in and kissed his cheek, tight
He reveled, not knowing it was going to be the last time.

He called her his beautiful queen,
Little did she know, in his kingdom, many more crowns reigned.

Her

It reminded her of herself ~
the sea.
Its turmoils, its peace.
How the waves rushed to claim what was theirs
But at the shores, just crashed instead -
As if in an after thought
Or simply giving up in distraught!
Only to recoil and reconcile -
To gain more strength, for another try.

The sea was crazy -
Some days calm,
some days upbeat.
Sometimes embracing those
who came in respite,
Guarding their secrets
in her profound mind.
Yet at times betraying men
and claiming their lives.

It was shades of herself she saw,
When she looked into the sea -
Turbid, yet clear
Poignant, with cheer.
Emotions, a myriad
Saw, those who sought.
It never dawned on these
When a mirror
they look into, deep
It was their reflections
they'd see -
And not her indeed.

She sat by the blue waves
Who beat their heads in disgrace.
She smiled at their misery
Which was, but momentary.
As they kissed her feet
Before their hasty retreat.
Deadly, yet fending
Dark, yet forgiving
She loved the sea,
for it was she.

Dreamland

She loved her dreams. 
Where she was herself ~
With no pretenses. No praises.
No biases. No prejudice. 

She longed for dark confines,
and waited for long nights. 
Walked cheerfully into solitudes
and her fictitious reality, to hide.

She knew she strayed 

in her fairy-tales. 

But she chose to stay

and keep it that way.

She kept her head high,
Her gaze straight and wide-eyed 

It was her fantasy world

with no gavels, juries, or lies.

The line seemed blurred 

Between myth and true times. 

But she knew it distinct

as the real world made her cry. 

She rubbed her teary eyes

And shut them close and tight

Her dreamland was now her life

And there was no coming back!

Dawn

Come to me once -

When I am in my grave

Having craved and craved

For you to touch me

Heal my heart -

Cradle my face

To tell me that you loved me too,

And longed to hold me, close.

Until a while longer -

This song shall go on.

I will wait, until dawn ~

Until then, I will hold on.

Spare me now,

Don’t care for me now.

Come to me, then -

When I’m dead and gone.

Friend

Does the sun make you shine and rains make you smile?
You can be my friend, do come by sometime!

Love to watch the blue waves, gloomily crash by?
Then why wait, rush! Come, sit by my side!

Does music, melancholy, bring a tear to your eye?
Then, come let's weep, let's sing, let's cry!

Does the climb look steep, would you rather not go high?
Come, hold my hand, let me help you fly!

Do you want to give up, and halt this tiring ride?
Don't stop yet, let's give this one more try!

Does the burden overwhelm, would you rather just hide?
Let me help you unload and rest it for a while.

Does the world seem lonely, would you rather die?
Let me take you to a fairyland with green pastures and blue skies.

Or are you just a happy soul, looking to heal my kind?
Welcome to my home. My doors are open wide!

Flower

I hate it that I'm a flower.
A flower —
Which blossoms, with your gaze
as you hold me close.
Or withers away in haste
when you pay no heed.

I hate it that I'm a flower
which blooms or dooms
at your pace.

I wish I could be more like you —
A bee,
which simply steals
and stealthily keeps moving
from one to another in glee,
with no memory
of flowers like me.

Sunshine

I see a lot of me in you -

In the way you come up, to gasp for breath
Before life drags you down, to her deeper depths.

The way you gaze, at troubles coming your way
Take a moment to get war ready, and engage.

One moment you crumble, weeping like a child
Only to shake it off, to challenge and defy

You search for a shelter, to unload, to rest
Yet walk away from any inn, that'd take in a guest

The reluctance to give in, the grit to prove yourself
The impatience at failures, the selflessness, amidst hell

The longingness to find two arms to hold you in embrace
Keep you tucked in, as you'd pretend to break away

The unshed tears, the unsaid words
The unwavering hope, to persist despite falls

The half-hearted efforts to desist any emotions
Yet hoping against hope for someone to break walls, and walk in

Your kindness that puts smiles, on weary faces
Yet you lock yourself into a myriad of mazes!

I see a lot of me, in you
I look into mirrors and see you smile, amidst blues!

I wish I could hold you and whisper, my dear
The sun will shine soon, I know, as I've been there too!

Adulthood

I wish I were a child...

Who could love
abundantly.
Who knows no right
nor wrong.
Who'd heed to none
when chided.
Who'd hold no grudges,
no memories.
Who'd fall into
slumbers deep.
And see each day new,
with no history.
Who'd grab and run
what the mind desired.
Drop it mid way
for something new to acquire.

I wish I were a child...

Who'd lighten up minds
and smile from within.
Give as much as I receive
Take all, hate none.
Demand what I'd want
Clasp to my heart what I'd won.
Give away, guilt free
And suddenly long for some.
Who knows no death
Nor lust, nor birth.
Nor games, nor blame
Nor judge, nor care.
Who'd run into open arms
Whether friend or foe.
Who gave second chances
or even three, yet kept no count.

I wish I were a child...
who'd whisper in my ears, that
I'm doing adulthood just fine...
And that I've fared well so far!

Nest

It wasn't love
It isn't lust
If you must know,
You were a nest.

Where for a while
I could rest.
Renew, reconcile,
And regain my zest.

Feel beautiful,
Admired and loved,
In ways that stood out,
From what was usually bestowed.

A nest to dry my feathers
Before I spread my wings
To stay during adverse weathers
And patiently wait for spring.

I'm an intruder,
Who can no longer bide
At your little abode -
As I've been gone for a while.

This has been a long haul
Though a pleasant one, I muse!
I can hear my home call
Soon spring will be here too.

Let's not sing farewell songs
Nor dig deep into reasons why
I was an unwelcome guest
Who stayed beyond my time.

I promise to move out stealthily,
Gentler than I came in -
And I've left your nest decorated
For other guests and passers by.

Stay Happy

Yes, I'm happy
Not because I'm fake.

I'm happy because
I've had a life

Where hunger pangs
were our lullabies

Where that figure
suppressed in our throats, our cries

Where knocks on the door
sent shivers down our mind

Where keeping us alive each day
was my mother's only fight

Where money was unheard of,
a full day's meal was unseen.

Where tomorrows were mourned
Where the future was drowned

Yes, there was a beacon of light
And we clinged on to that straw.

Yes, I'm happy today
that God gave me this day

To be able to give away
A meal, some money, some hope

To share my own stories
To help some one smile

Yes, I'm happy
And I'll be this way

Cling on, fight, stay alive
This too will pass

And you'll have your day
To shine!

12 at the station

Why isn't it 12 yet, some exclaim 
It's 12 so soon, some repent.
Some run and tumble, late for their trip
While some slumber in a coach, within.

Many journeys have come to an end,
A plenty more, wait to begin.
What better way to gauge life
Than to sit at a station, watching passers go by?

RIP Suresh Jayaraman

A young boy, of 25

Their only handsome son.

The sole, strong breadwinner

He passed away today.

He earned a meagre sum,

He saved it all for them.

For he couldn’t fail or fall.

But, he passed away today.

He went hungry many days,

And led a frugal life
He let go all the worldly fun

And passed away today.

His body, so much thinner
Than all the men his age.
He didn’t look 25.

But he passed away today.

The doctors declared him sick
He never paid heed

Worried, his medical bills could fetch
Another day’s meal?

He must have felt pain

But little did he care.

Did he know his time has come?

Yet, kept moving at his pace?

Every soul that knew him cries
“Had he…” and “If only…”

The boy died, trying to keep up
Despite all agony.

He left a void that’ll never fill
Some sobs, and memories

If only, I had extended some help!

But, he rushed and passed away.

Cravings

The human mind
It craves.
Beyond what it can afford.
Beyond what it can take.

It craves for lust
when there is love.
It craves ecstasy,
for happiness?


It prays for health.
It asks for wealth.
It sees life empty,
and seeks what’s next?


Is this progress?
Is this for the best?
Is this how we evolve,
from the feeble rest?


Or will this maddening chase
To fill up our nests
Take us away
From where we belong?


One day we will own
All – that we’d longed –
And know what’s at our behest
Are just trophies of our zest.


If only one could put reins
On the craving, daring mind
To not built castles in sky
But to live now, here, and smile.

Circles

Bring on that smile
Spread that deceptive cheer
You may be broken inside, 
But people don't really share.

Pin on that smiley, 
To your tattered self
Act all hoity-toity
In this world, that's all they care.

Is that a tear?
Tell them you laughed hard, dear
Don't burden them with stories
They have no time to spare.


Refuse any hand
That comes in to mend
Refuse any ear 
They may offer to lend.

Don't pour out your heart, 
Don't bare them your soul
Just build around a fence
"Good riddance', they'll howl.

Remember that promise 
To your friend you had made

Remember what you did

With the secret that was shared?

Remember the rooftop
Where your soul - you sold?
Remember how you goofed up
All those stories you retold?

We get what we deserve
But, don't we deserve worse?
It's all a vicious circle
Or is it, who decides? 

We pursue a journey
From fake to futile
The world was handed to us great
And look what of it, we have made.

The Trip

Touch down. 

They had reached. 

Their destiny was to change forever.

Everyone huddled towards the luggage bins above, to grab their baggage. 

Why the scuddle? 

She wondered.

After all, what is truly one's own? 

One's phone?

One's credit card?

One's designer bag?

One's child?

Of course one does not stuff one's child into the cabin bag. Unless one is a psychopath. 

"Well, we'll have to get out at some point", her husband's gentle nudge brought her back from her nearly psychopathic thoughts.

She smiled, and realized the plane was almost empty.

The intense heat hit her as soon as she deplaned. 

"Wow! This is going to be one hell of a trip!", she exclaimed. 

"Well, get used to it. This may not be our only time visiting", he casually remarked.

The air-conditioned airport bus was a welcome change. She found a seat untaken. And settled right in.

Just then, walked in a woman. Obviously pregnant.

I thought they did not let pregnant women board planes. But how would I know.

She was blinking at the protruded belly. The woman had found her way right towards her. She halted in front of her, and smiled. 

She hated doing this. Giving up her hard-earned spot for the helpless. The feeble. The old. The poor. 

One should take charge of one's life. One should take what's one's own. One should be in control of the variables. 

Not leave it all to fate. Or the universe. Or people. 

And beg someone else for what's theirs. 

She looked out of the window. She could see the reflection of her husband glaring at her.

Outside the tinted window, the scorching sun. 

So bright. So round. 

Like the belly. 

No belly thoughts. She had been mean. And the sun was reminding her.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The ride to the hotel was a long one. And the heat was unbearable. And the traffic unmovable.

But they had to leave soon. No time to cozy up in the room.

It was weird. It was she who had pushed him into this. After years of planning. And budgeting. And careful choosing. They zeroed in on this. 

Yes, she had been dreaming of this trip. And dreading it too.  

Sigh. Can we not go? 

He heard her mind thoughts. 

"Come on. Get ready. This is what you wanted. This is what we wanted. Let's do this."

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

She had no energy by the time they got onto the airport bus. She was just zapped. But all the seats were taken. 

The sun shone down with all its fury. Bright and red. 

She almost fell, when an old lady touched her shoulders.

And offered a place to sit. Her seat.

Her husband smirked. 

As she sat down, she felt so thankful. 

To fate. 

To the universe. 

To the many people. 

And to that someone, from somewhere.

Who gave up what was hers. 

In a garbage bin. 

It smiled and cooed at her, as it nipped at her fingers. 

Her baby.

Ratings

When I watched the #BlackMirror episode #Nosedive, set in a near future where social media score determines everything - your livelihood, your job, your relationship status, your social circle and even your behavior, I thought it was, well, too far fetched. Until yesterday.

I take pride when some one asks me my #Uber rating and I consider myself to be a very polite, punctual passenger. A score 4.70 meant my drivers loved me. Until yesterday.

I had a pleasant ride last evening with a nice Uber driver who was not rash or rude. I said my Thank yous and Good nights and then it happened... I happened to see him give me my rating.

A 4.
A FOUR.
Can you believe that?
I felt like slapping him.

So, I rated him a 3.
Uber asked me why (they ask so they can know what went wrong with the ride).

But, they didn't have the options - because he judged me, because he misjudged me (I'm a great person), because who is he to rate me, because he down rated me, because I believe I deserve more...

Well. Serves him right. Psycho. Pathetic loser.

Don't you agree?

#UberRating