Wednesday, March 9, 2011

A twisted tale.

Me: Now don’t be scared. It will be over in a moment. Just push it in.
He/she/it: Ok ok. Fine.
Me: What are you doing?
He/she/it: I am scared.
Me: Just relax. Relax your muscles. Don’t think about it too much. Just insert.
He/she/it: Ok ok. I am trying. But it is not going in.
Me: What do you mean?
He/she/it: Will it pain?
Me: No it wont. You have to trust me on this one.
He/she/it: Hell! It is not going in. It is fallling off.
Me: What? How can it fall off? Hold it in.
He/she/it: You said it will go in. It din’t.
Me: Well it should have. Maybe we could try wetting it. That should lubricate it, to go in.
He/she/it: Ok. Will make it wet then.
Me: What’s happening?
He/she/it: Just dipped it in water.
Me: Ok. Cool. Any change?
He/she/it: No luck.
Me: This is not supposed to be such an ordeal. I mean how does everyone else do it!
He/she/it: How am I supposed to know! It just wont stay in.
Me: Well you have to contract your muscles once it goes in. And hold it there.
He/she/it: Hello! I am scared! Please! This is my first time!
Me: Ok. Ok. I have an idea. Use your finger.
He/she/it: What???
Me: Try push it in first and then hold it in with your fingers.
He/she/it: Yuck! That is gross.
Me: Do you want to do this or not?
He/she/it: Ok fine. Don’t scream…. Yuck…. Aiyo!
Me: What? Worked?
He/she/it: … hmmm...!
Me: Hello???
He/she/it: Yay! Yay! Yay! It’s in. It’s in.
Me: How does it feel?
He/she/it: Not bad.
Me: Ok. Just a few more minutes.
He/she/it: Err… I am feeling something…
Me: Came?
He/she/it: No. Not yet. I think it is coming…!
Me: Ok. Try to hold it as much as you can.
He/she/it: Hell! Something is happening.
Me: Don’t worry. It is normal.
He/she/it: OMG! It is coming. WoW! It is coming.
Me: Ok Ok. Rush now.
He/she/it: Can’t hold any more. I really gotto go. Thanks! Will call you in a bit.
Me: Awesome. Congrats. Now go. Go. Go.
(Being a nurse’s daughter, often friends turn to me for help. This above conversation was me trying to help a friend suffering from severe constipation, use a suppository and take a dump.)
A few minutes later…
Me: How do you feel?
He/she/it: Amazing. Never felt so good in days!


  1. Next time anyone of your friends asks u suggestions for constipation, suggest one kuppi Drano. I've always wondered if it'd work just as well on humans. :P

    Btw, whatever happened to the suppository? :D

  2. @Guru: It came out, with the rest of the s**t :D

    @Karthik aka Mr. Bean: Need reference clips. Not a big fan of Bhagyaraj.

  3. Lol.. this guy walks into a barber shop and asks him for the closest shave EVER. The barber takes out a billiards ball, asks him to put it against each cheek, and proceeds to give him the closest shave he has ever been given.

    After the shave, the customer takes out the ball, notices how awesomely close the shave was and is full praise for the barber. He then asks the barber "What if I had swallowed the ball by mistake?"

    The barber replies "Then you can return it the next day like everyone else does". :D :D

    So... I was wondering if the suppository was lost forever after the floodgates opened up, or if it was rescued with the intent of being put to similar use in the future. :P

  4. OMG!!!
    Yuck, yuck, yuck!!!