Cursed

To be loved

To be missed 

To be noticed

To be wished. 

To be craved

To be shielded

To be saved

To be heeded

To make you feel 

that you belong

And take note,

when you are gone

To walk beside you

Even when you cry

To walk behind you

When it's silence you crave

To hold you closer

Till you want to be held

To tighten the grip

And keep you from hell

To reflect, to mirror,

To calm, to appease

Don't we all deserve

Such love, and such peace?

Toxic Love

How many times 

Will you break my heart?

Bit by bit

You keep making me sad!

Here, some time 

Then gone for quite a while 

You were not with me, 

Who gave you these love bites? 

Once and for all

Let's bid our goodbyes.

Just take one day 

And do it, in a jiffy.

Let's call it off, 

Let's not look back!

Take your love elsewhere

I'm too broke, to even cry. 

Self Love

It hurts my soul

And yet I try

I'm torn to bits

But to keep up, I strive.

I help break shackles

And put back smiles 

But when left alone

I break down, I cry.

No horizon in sight

It's only cold nights

No visitors to my hut

None asking if I'm alright.

I leave my door ajar

For any passer-by

Looking for some warmth

Or to while away time.

Until one lonely night

I'm awakened by a cry

An ask for help

From one about to die?

I fly, through my window 

And leave behind my pride

For that cry for help I know

Was myself - my inner child. 

The Wait

How long will it take, for that day to arrive 

When the first thing you offer a tired guest

Will be a hug or a handshake

And not a sanitizer instead?

When will we sit around plates with feast

And fight with our spoons to dig into treats

Sip from cups without any fear

Of infecting or getting infected, again.

When will we have our sleepover nights

With all four friends cuddling in one bed

Inching in more closer to hear better

The more controversial, the topic gets.

When will we stop buying colour coded masks

And start flashing our yellow smiles?

When will life be normal again, 

And when will we be our abnormal selves...?

A baby girl

A friend lost her child

Only last night

Another brings home hers

in a while. 

I cursed all Gods

As I tossed in bed

Unable to fathom

How a mother felt.

I thanked all Gods

When I was told

Though, unable to see

A new mom's dream.

For one I weep

To rest in peace

For the other I shed

Tears of joy.

Life comes a full circle 

In it - 'Who are we?'

Daughters to mothers

Or a mother to a child.

Nature has its way

We hardly have any say.

Like fools, we rejoice

Like fools, we cry. 

SPB

How little it takes,

for the heart to ache

A hint of your voice

And tears break

SPB,

for years we will weep...

SPB,

eternally, we grieve!

Farewell SPB

He sang from his soul
For you and me
And that’s why
we all bleed.

He takes his body,
as he goes –
His immortal voice,
he leaves behind.

A king is dead
Gone too soon!
But his musical kingdom
will forever live.

#RIP #SPB

Cycles

How many more children

Will we have to sacrifice

To fulfil ambitions

Of parents, unsatisfied?

They gave up their dreams 

Of making it big

To fulfill instead

Their parents' wishes!

Yet force upon their kids

The life they envisioned - 

It's a cycle - vicious

But who'll break this tryst?

Sid

I'm sorry

I failed you my friend

I'm only human

And at that, a frail one.

You placed me high

On a pedestal in the skies

Assuming I was godly - 

But I slipped and fell.

All that you didn't want me

I'm sorry, I turned out to be 

If there is a next time 

I promise, harder I'll try.

Smile

It was in 1998. I was in my 10th Std. Mommy had moved back to Kerala, having resigned her job as a Nurse in Kuwait a few years ago.

We had come down to the last bit of money at home. We had sold the 2 plots and 1 house she had. All our gold was pledged at the bank. It was not easy putting 3 kids through school / college without any income.

I came home from school and the postman had just left. There was a letter. From the Embassy of Kuwait. We knew it was an update on our claim for compensation - we had lost a lot of our savings when we fled Kuwait as refugees in the 1990's when Iraq under Saddam Hussein attacked and looted Kuwait.

We had heard about other friends and families having received lakhs in compensation. And though our claim was a pittance, it would really help us survive. We were in dire need. The shop keeper had stopped our supplies, as the outstanding had climbed to over Rs. 3,000. Our school fee was pending for some time now. We had stopped milk and tea. Bread was the only luxury. Apart from rice.

The 3 of us gathered around our Mother, as she opened the envelop, with much hope.

And she smiled.

We were elated! Our claim was approved. We are finally debt-free. We could settle the shopkeeper's loan. We could buy some new clothes. I could pay my fee. We could have ice-cream! One of us plucked the letter from her hand, eager to see how much the amount was.

But what we read made us teary-eyed.
Our claim had been rejected.

We didn't understand. Our mother had opened the letter and smiled. She didn't break down. Or cry. That meant this was supposed to be happy news! We dint understand. We sobbed asking her how could she smile?

And she said, if this money were to come, I would have fed 3 children. But now, that it hasn't,

Iraq can feed a hundred ones!

Fade away

Fade away
Like melting snow.
Slowly, but surely -
No one will know
Here a moment
Gone the next
Fade away, girl
Just go, just go!

One

I am the land
I am the seas
I am its breeze
And I am my dreams.

I search for no shore
Nor the promised haven
I live amidst chaos
And it defines me.

I like this journey
Which keeps me afloat
Some days I live
Some days, it kills me.

My tears have formed seas
The land, from my debris
When it's my time to go,
I'll join them, in peace.

Monster

You hit her -
And we screamed

From beneath blankets
Muffled - our shrieks.

Did you ever realise
It was not just four lives

That you chose to break
But our generations to be?

I still shudder at noises
I shiver at nights, heavily.

I freeze when yelled at
And tears just stream.

It's over ten years now
You are dead and gone

But you hit her still -
In my dreams.

Mask

It's good that we have
our masks  on now -
It's not as though we spoke
to anyone around,
Smiled or cared about
others in town.

It's good that we have
our masks  on now -
Earlier, it wasn't seen -
Now, it's just
so pronounced.

Ends and Beginnings

When I come to you
You run like the plague
When I turn away
You seek me, you chase.

I'm not in it anymore
This cat and mouse race
This has become a game for you,
And I don't want to play.

I hope you heal from what cut you
I pray I do too
Let's not hurt each other more now
And hope no one does too.

Goodbyes we bid in plenty
Let's keep it real this time.
If we ever again pass-by
Let's just keep it to a Hi.

Dying wishes

I may not be
a great child
But great children -
I've come to know.

They don't shower parents
with cash or prize
But they give them
in ample, their time.

When one is old,
weak and fragile
It's not the possessions
one wants by their side.

In the long wait,
many bid byes
Longing for the warmth
and care of their child.

Don't wait to cry
At their funeral pyres
To tell them they were always
On your mind.

Rush to them now
Hug, hold or fight.
Your tomorrows - put aside.
Didn't they, a hundred times?

Men

Toughest
to the world outside
But in your embrace,
mellows down.

Takes all burdens
on shoulders, broad
Yet simply melts
in your hold.

Mature, one moment
And then a child
When the right woman
is by their side!

Oh! How they lead,
and yet love to be led.
Here's to the gentle giants -
Here's to the men!

Him. Her. Us.

I wish you would see me
When you looked at him
I wish you would want me
To warm your bed.

The way your eyes shine
At his glance
Breaking into a sweat
And butterflies at dance.

I can feel how
You melt with his touch
How you wait
To hear his footsteps

I had wished some day
You would choose me
That I would be the 'One' -
But that's a distant dream.

You are his, now
And I have her
I put her where -
You put him, easy.

So, I hug her closer
And hear her squeal
Her eyes, lit up
Sadly, mine would never be.

Looking Back

There was a time
When I longed for you
For your hugs and your kisses
And to feel subdued.

There was a time 
I waited for you
To give me some warmth
Amidst morning dews.

I was in love
And so were you
We only saw each other
That's all I knew.

But  slowly with time,
I saw you withdrew
Day after day -
And it only grew

Those were the days
When I would wonder
Was I not pretty?
What could I do?

For years in line
I hoped in vain
That maybe some day
You'd see my pain.

Maybe I was blind
To what you wanted
Maybe you wished
That I'd know you too!

Those days are gone
We're no longer lovers
Two fragile, old souls
Left to ponder.

If we go back in time
Who would you choose?
Would you undo our vows?
Bear me the truth?

Now we lay
On our death beds
Having lived a life
Where we were already dead.

The Walk Back Home

Seven years she waited
For a child
And finally held him
For four hours -
Glory to God,
they screamed and barged in
But this is no work
Of my  holy God.

------------------------------------

"A hundred more"
Said her husband wearily -
They'd covered a thousand
And this seemed close.
But her water broke
She delivered on the roads.
Clutching her new born
She limped towards home.

My Child

Whose children
are we indeed?
To those
we were born?
Or to the lot
where we feel we belong?

All children, from mothers 
are made -
But is that the only
possible bond?
Is blood the only way to get
mother and child  to connect?

Born from our hearts
are plenty
Our friends
for instance
Or lovers,
who'd make families.

So, when I count
My bonds for life
Your name pops up
Without a glance.
You are my child.
And I am your mom.

She's home

She saw me
through my struggles

She sees me
through my joys

No matter my moodswings
She’s mine through highs and lows.

She’s kept me safe at storms
And through mighty shutdowns

I remember how huge she once seemed
Her warmth remains, though she's smaller now!

How many have marvelled at her beauty
But she’s always been so coy!

My children run up her frame still
Though old, she’s not one to fall!

How much I yearn, to get back to you
Every night, my beautiful, tiny home.

When A Man Cries

There's something when...
A man cries.

We know he's tried it all...
A lone fighter, against the wall.

His life's been overhauled
Else he'd hide his tears, his bawls.

This is his last resort.
Maybe his last hope.

Before he breaks the news
It's his anguish call to God's -

A war cry for strength...
Or to not let him fall.

The burden of manhood is heavy
And tears are read as weak.

And that's why my heart dies -
Whenever a man cries.

Lies

Don't keep telling me
I'm the one -
When you keep treating me
Like one of them!

Second Fiddle

It takes so little to make me happy
I like them small things, nothing too fancy

It takes so less to satisfy me
A smile or a thank you, and I'm at ease.

It doesn't take much to please me
Just say you remember, or you'd do it for me

Very little effort will appease me
Just tuck me in bed or hug me when I'm up.


Is that why, world, for granted
You always take me?

Hold

So many eyes on me
Wanting me to fail
So many hands pulling
Wanting me to fall

I don't want to fail.
I don't want to fall.
I didn't want to be here
I was put in, by them all.

But I can't go back now -
Not to prove them wrong
It's forward or an end here -
No two exits to this hall.

I also have no where to go
I'm an orphan, on this stroll.
I am lonely in here
Only darkness enthrall.

If you happen to pass by
Could you give a call?
Don't be my torch bearer
Don't hold or be around.

Do me that one favor
That's all I ask for.
I'm not trying to win here
It's just survival I have my eyes on.

Why

I write poetry because...

It helps me calm down,
on lonely nights
It soothes my soul,
when I want to cry
Words take away sorrow,
brings in some cheer
And it's my only outlet in a world,
that doesn't want to hear.

Give it up

I am depressed
you turned out
how you said
you wouldn't be.

Lies,
while away.
Back with sly smiles -
again.

Dishonest,
disloyal,
fickle
and fake.

I am disgusted
you turned out
just like
ME.

Regret

Of all regrets
Of all my falls -
You turned out to be
not what I'd thought.

Everything about you
Makes me sad
You - mind of mine,
Your fantasies and all!

You see ambition
On a downhill slope
And where there's destruction -
you see hope.

You seek happiness
Amidst chaotic spaces.
You tend to provide
To takers without fences.

Oh! What wouldn't I give
for a saner mind -
which isn't this kind,
Or breaks into crazy jives.

Which doesn't vent out
At the slightest distress
Penning out poems
Like a wayfaring poet.

Away

Slide away from the chaos 
to a peaceful haven...

To write and create
Poetry. 

When Fathers Fall

They are meant to safeguard
To secure
To save.

They can't make a flaw
Or fumble
Or fail.

We look on to them
For our past
And for what is to be.

They are our superheroes
With no hammers
Or shields.

Fathers can't break
Can't sob
Can't shake.

Come war or winter
Their embrace
Should remain.

They are made of flesh and blood
But we forget
We just entrust.

And that's why the world
Crumbles down
When great Fathers fall.

Questions

Why love me the same?
When you witness my demons
from my camouflage, peep.
When even pretty sights
makes me weep.

Why want me still?
When myself, and everything
I long to kill.
When I disappear
just to instill fear.

Why hug me close?
My stinky demeanor
with matted hair.
Stubbly limbs
with no upkeep!

Why choose to stay?
When I only destroy,
When I stray?
When I strangely behave
Like a child, lost its way?

From your heavenly clouds,
could you step down
Hide your halo and your wings
Unmask your resolve, steely -
and reveal what you feel?

Stop claiming me,
and blame me, for pretense.
Stop forgiving
and deprive me, hence.
Angelic soul, be human for once!

Begone

Don't look for me my dears,
When I'm gone

A bit of soul searching
And self love to be found

It might be a while
It might not be so long

Until then, world -
Begone! Begone!

US

There is no
US.
There is you.
There is me.
And then,
there's them.

There's you
with them.
There's me
with them.
There's us,
with them.

But there's no
US,
without them.
They won't let
US
be.

Give Me Some Sunshine

I am someone who never
looks at the moon

Call me unromantic
Call me a fool

The moon hides slyly
All through the day

And then slides in slowly
At night to show its face

Reminds me of shy lovers
Keeping from public gaze

Yet ogling at each other
All through the day

They rush into outstretched arms
As moonlight comes in play

With the tiniest glimpse of the crimson dawn
They quickly break embrace

I'd rather follow the unforgiving sun
Who brightens up our days

Whose warmth can get you cozy
Whose heat can burn you away

Who shines through all our glories,
Through our miseries, our disgrace

But come hay, hail or mighty rains
Like me, it finds its way!

Outlet

I don't write to compete
I write to mute
The demons
within me

Once out,
They subside for a while
Resurfacing at
my most vulnerable times.

I'm in it now
This constant battlefield
Some days I bleed
Some days, succeed.

Which is it?

What would you rather see
My cleavage?
Or my soul?

Where would you rather be
Between my thighs?
Or where, my smile, you can see?

Why would you want to remain
To make me scream?
Or build my dreams?

How would you want to stay
Scoring limits breached?
Or always within reach?

What would you want to say
Babe, free tonight?
Or, you are a treat for sore eyes?

Why would you come again
Because you are lonely?
Or because I am easy?

New Year Wish

I wish -
I started early,
wearing lipsticks deep red.

I wish
growing up,
more sleeveless dresses I wore. 

I wish
more often I used
dirty cuss words too! 

I wish
I had decked up 
a bit more frequently. 

I wish I felt
more sure about
my little self.

And knew I was pretty, 
with brown eyes 
and a dimpled smile. 

I wish my first kiss
was not
so delayed.

I wish
I made love,
as a young maid. 

I wish on myself,
money,
I had spent!

I wish 
I didn't long
for validation from them.

I wish...
Oh, I wish
if I weren't so late! 

And wish
I didn't have
so much regrets, off-late! 

I wish
I'd live my life better
in the coming decade!

Anchor

I'm not the ship

I am the anchor

I stay grounded

While I let you float.